Dearest, most darling, favorite, loving, compassionate, understanding Sandy Claws,
Here it is, less than a week from the 'BIG DAY' and I have just a couple concerns that I must share with you.
You know that 'list' I keep hearing about? The Naughty and Nice one? That wasn't the big, long piece of paper that I shredded last week, was it? I thought I was just ripping up some more yarn ball bands....I hardly even get yelled at when I munch on those any more; mommy knows it's totally her fault if she leaves them within my reach. And anyway....I have a disease. I can't help myself. 'Paper-chewing-syndrome' is REAL and you can't get mad angry when someone is suffering from a sickness, can you? So, IF that was your 'Naughty and Nice' list that I ate, please be assured that my name was on the 'Nice' side. Trust me on this one, OK?
Next concern....my stocking. In this household, stockings are sort of hung all over the place, and throughout the whole month, things secretly get stuffed in them. I'm quite aware that this is the work of your elves, but I figure you have a direct link to them and you can let them know that THEY HAVE MISSED MY STOCKING!!! It's hanging next to my food dish in the laundry room. I'm sure this has been an oversight (even though my stocking is rather huge---it IS hard to miss; it's the one that has just a little teeny bite out of the toe), but I'm worried none-the-less. So worried that I've been checking it at least 138 times a day and so far....na-da. Nothing. (Even Dick the Dumb Goldfish has something in his stocking.)
Speaking of elves, that brings me to my next concern. We don't have a resident Elf. Just about everyone else I know (Jaybob and the CandyMan to name everyone else I know) has this cute little guy who appears in different places everyday and reports on whether they've been naughty or nice. On second thought, maybe you don't need to send one over.
Instead, let me just TELL you how exceptionally good I've been.
This year we have a really beautiful real outdoor-smelly tree--INSIDE! And I have not pee-peed on it even once. It's covered with stuff, and I haven't removed even one thing. Well, maybe one. Or two. And it totally was not my fault that they broke. And that tinsel just somehow gets on myself, but I think it looks beautiful draped all over the house.
I have NOT eaten any wise men this year. The two remaining ones are safely put out of my reach (so mommy thinks), but if I really wanted to get them I could. Just like I managed to climb on the dining room table last night for the chocolate candy that someone (not mentioning any names lest she find herself on the naughty list, and we all know that I love my mom beyond life itself!!! and don't want her in trouble) refused to share with me. (Man can she move FAST when she wants to!!!!)
I've also left baby Jesus alone. (I don't think we reported his rediscovery....he's been AWOL the past two Christmases.) I was NOT responsible for his disappearance.
I have been a helper around the kitchen. (I'm always a helper around the kitchen.) I make sure that anything falling to the floor is immediately slurped up, and when no one is looking, I can make myself very very very tall to sample a cookie cooling. Someone has to make sure they are good enough for everyone else to eat.
I could go on and on about how good I've been, but you get the idea, right?
do you think you could do something about that empty stocking? And maybe throw in a couple presents while you're at it?
The clock is ticking.
Your loving, lovable, friendly, furry friend,